The film studio's synopsis of the horror (in more ways than one) film, "Zombie! vs. Mardi Gras," goes like this: "A child grows up studying the occult and plotting vengeance after being brutalized and crippled by drunken Mardi Gras revelers. One stormy Lundi Gras night he performs a Sumerian ritual which unearths ZOMBIE! from his ancient sleep. ZOMBIE! prowls the streets of New Orleans on Mardi Gras Day, leaving a trail of terror and carnage in his wake!"

Thank goodness for small favors, for without this brief synopsis, I would have practically been at a loss for words on what exactly the movie is about! At least it got the 'terror' part right, as that was exactly the way I was feeling while sitting through this amateurish 73-minute piece of rubbish. Filmed in black-and-white on what looks like a budget of approximately ten dollars, the washed-out picture quality often makes you feel like you are watching a crummy student film from the 1930s or '40s.

"Zombie! vs. Mardi Gras" is inept on every possible filmmaking level, which is unfortunate since the setting of Mardi Gras would, no doubt, make for a reasonably creepy setting for a horror movie that had at least some type of merit. Not this time. Instead, what we get is a parade of scenes tacked on to one another, most of them portraying zombies walking around attacking people, that make very little sense, and every now and again we will be blessed with a scene or two of gratuitous nudity that has nothing to do with the characters or story (what there is of it, at least).

Without any rhyme-or-reason, all of the actors' voices have been horrifically dubbed, and although most of the ridiculous dialogue is supposed to be campy, I suppose, every line, and every scene for that matter, falls astoundingly flat. Mute three-year-olds could tell better jokes than the ones in this piece of wasted celluloid.

Although I can't be positive, I firmly believe that by the time "Zombie! vs. Mardi Gras" reached its forgettable non-conclusion, my IQ had dropped at least 50 points. And to top everything off, the end credits show a woman and zombie running through a field towards each other, until they finally meet in a warm embrace. But the zombies were evil...and I don't believe I had ever met that woman in the course of the film itself. I fear if I keep going, most of my brain cells are going to shrivel up and die, but I'll leave you with one final observation: the word, "idiotic," was created for "Zombie! vs. Mardi Gras."

* For more information on "Zombie! vs. Mardi Gras," contact Salt City Home Video, P.O. Box 5515, Syracuse, NY 13220; tel. 315-454-5608, web site: http://www.b-movie.com or webmaster@b-movie.com.

©1999 by Dustin Putman